Yes, believe it or not, I am actually going to talk about menstrual cycles. But have no fear, it will be tastefully addressed . I guess there is no subject off limits at this point!
Anyway, As I get older, I am starting to notice more and more a pattern between my menstrual cycle and my inherent mood swings. When I was younger, I used to think that all the hype over PMS was a bunch of excuses men used to explain away why their wives were always angry with them. After all, it couldn’t possibly have anything to do with whatever their wives were actually mad at them for. They make excuses for their “mess ups” by claiming they have done nothing wrong…it is just “that time of the month” for their wives.
However, I have to admit that my 28-day cycle is pretty clear-cut, now that I’m in tune to it. This is not to say in any way that when I go off on my husband for being a jerk, that he isn’t genuinely being so. I’m just pointing out that perhaps my mood swings don’t help the situation.
I am like clockwork. Allow me to give you a peak into the life of my 28-day cycle.
Day 14…ovulation day….I am as sweet, snuggly, and soft as a bunny. I love my husband soooo much. I love my life soooo much. All is right with the world. It’s the best week ever! I smell lilacs and roses and see sweet images of rainbows and lollipops! I am euphoric to the brink of mania.
Day 21….the week before my period…well, lets just say things are not quite as rosy as the prior week. All I can say is….my poor husband…my poor kids…and the poor woman at the grocery store who didn’t bag my groceries just right! I mean, if I am being honest here, I am a downright tyrant! I lose my mind. I have zero patience. My fuse is about an inch long. And I have the tolerance of a pea pod. Oh, and I would be remiss to not mention that my skin turns back the hands of time as to remind me of what it was like to be a teenager with raging acne again.
Day 28…the day I get my period…..it can go one of two ways. I am either sobbing like a baby for the entire week, or I am a raging b$%ch (excuse the foul language, but there truly is no better word to articulate what I become during this time…I’m really just calling a spade a spade). The amazing thing is…it flip-flops every other month. If my period last month left me a weeping willow, then I know this month that all hell will break loose. But not to fear, by next month, I will be back to crying inconsolably because my children just don’t understand how hard I worked on making dinner….and for them to just take two bites and then walk away from the table…well, they just don’t understand…(audible sobbing begins).
Day 7…the week following my period…aahhhh…..I can breathe again. The dust settles, and I am finally normal again. This week allows me the chance to regain my composure. I use this opportunity, albeit a short-lived moment of temporary sanity, to do damage control. At this point, I am busy making amends to all those that were hurt during the cross fire of the previous two weeks. I also gear up for the inevitable “best week ever“!
Which brings us full circle to Day 14…
So, all I really want to know is…
If doctors can take a stem cell from our bodies and produce an organ from it…and scientists can send people into space to live for periods of time…and we can split atoms….
then why in the world can nobody figure out what the chemical make-up is in a female’s body during days 7-20???!!! I just want that combination of hormones…at those exact dosages…injected into my body during days 21-6.
If science could just figure out that mystery, the world would be a better place…and I wouldn’t have to keep apologizing to the grocery store bagger!
