In honor of my baby girl’s 1st birthday, which we celebrated on Friday, I decided to post a journal entry I wrote last year at this time.  I was not going into labor on my own so my induction was scheduled for June 26th.   For some reason, I’ve never went into labor on my own..all 5 births were induced.  I was so excited to have the wait finally over, but I was also scared to death.  I don’t care if it was to be my fifth time giving birth…child birth is child birth and squeezing a 7 lb 10 oz watermelon out of a hole the size of a small softball will never NOT be terrifying for me.  This journal entry was recapping how we spent the last day as a family of 6 before welcoming our beautiful Natalie into the world!

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June 25, 2008 10:41pm

It’s so odd, almost unexplainable, but I have the most calming sense of peace deep in my soul right now!  I am going to be induced tomorrow morning at 7:30am with child #5!  Before my other 4 inductions, I was always a basket case.  I expected to feel the same tonight, but I don’t.  I have had a few bouts of weepiness, but overall, I just feel at peace.  I feel as though the Lord gave me an extra day with my 4 beautiful angels before we all welcome our newest blessing into the world.  I was supposed to be induced today, but something came up with the Dr, so my induction was moved to tomorrow.   That allowed me one more glorious day with the kids before our lives change forever.  Even though it’s a blessed change, it’s still a change.  Every one of our lives will be different.  Avery will no longer by the baby in our family.  Kylie will no longer be the only daughter.  My husband will be a father for the first time.  All the dynamics of our family of 6 will change, and I’m excited and melancholy over the entire event.

That’s what made today so precious.  My mom and I took the kids to an amusement park and out to McDonald’s for dinner.  Corey played football with the kids until dusk, and then we roasted marshmallows and snuggled up by the campfire.  It was a perfect end to a perfect day!  The kids were cleaned up and I was able to tuck them all into bed.  I said a silent prayer for each one of them.  They each have such different needs and God has blessed us so much in meeting all those needs.

Seeing the anticipation in Avery’s eyes….hearing the excitement in Brady’s voice…..trying to calm the worry in Bailey’s heart….and then getting to hold my very first baby girl tonight while she cried on my shoulder about her fears was one of the most moving and greatest gifts the Lord has ever given me.

Perhaps that’s where the calming peace in my heart is coming from.

Perhaps…it’s just knowing that I was given one more, perfect day with my babies before we start a new, wonderful chapter in our lives tomorrow.

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Well she was born the picture of health on June 26th @ 3:19pm.  After an extremely scary incident with the epidural (a story I will share at a later time), she arrived roughly 7.5 hours and 3 pushes later.  She came out purple and not crying when they placed her on my stomach.  I was so overwhelmed and excited to hold her, but I kept asking the Dr. if she was ok.  Her color didn’t look right and she really wasn’t making any noise.  After about a minute of me freaking out that she wasn’t crying and that she looked purple (go figure), the Dr. finally conceded and they whisked her off my belly and into the incubator for some oxygen.  After just a few puffs, she was pink and wailing…just what every mother wants to see and hear!   Corey was able to stand right by her side when her tiny hand reached out and grasped his finger.  Then the nurse bundled her up and handed her off to her daddy where he was able to hold his daughter for the very first time.  Natalie Johanna was just minutes old when her very proud and overwhelmed daddy held her in his big, strong arms for the first time.  Her birth was a moment I will cherish forever.

The entire experience of a 9-month culmination of wonder, fear, anticipation, and love never ceases to amaze me.  No matter how many times I give birth, I will never get over what an experience it is.

Words fail me when I try to articulate what giving birth to a miracle means to me….I mean, how do you define that kind of love?!

But I believe the word God uses in the Bible is AGAPE, so with that in mind….Happy 1st Birthday my angel….and while the word “love” fails miserably to describe how I feel for you….I believe AGAPE will do just fine ;o)