Life never ceases to challenge me. Just when I get cocky, (ya know…because I have my toilets scrubbed and laundry caught up for 5 minutes)….a curve ball is thrown my way. I think God does this just to knock me down a peg or two and more importantly, to remind me that I’m really not in control of anything.
We found out this week that our youngest son, Avery, has Dyslexia. We have been concerned since he entered school, but all of our inquiries have been met by teachers with dismissal. ”Oh he is fine. He’s just young for his class and needs time to mature.” I didn’t buy it! I think there is much to be said about a mother’s intuition and having 3 other children before Avery who have navigated their way through Kindergarten and First grade, I had a pretty good sense of what his skill set should be at each level. While I understood that Avery was indeed young for his class (he has a May birthday), I still had a nagging feeling that more was wrong than just a little immaturity.
After all, he wasn’t misbehaving in class or struggling with his social skills. His math skills were right on point. But he wasn’t learning how to read no matter how much we worked with him. And his spelling was even worse than the reading. It was awful! I’m not being mean here, I’m just trying to point out a couple of the umpteen warning signs that were present, but never noticed by a single one of the many teachers that have been in his life over the years.
The only clue we got was when I was talking to a friend of mine, who happens to be a teacher and has a son who is also Dyslexic, about my concerns with Avery. It wasn’t until her son was in 6th grade and still couldn’t read that he was finally diagnosed properly. Because of the struggles that this poor woman and her son went through, she recognized many of the “symptoms” I was mentioning to her regarding Avery’s academic struggles. She gave me a name, phone number, and website to find out more information. I stumbled away from our conversation feeling dazed, confused, and perhaps a bit hopeful…hopeful that I’m not crazy and hopeful that if we can figure out what’s really going on with my son, then we can deal with it appropriately. I am a firm believer that nothing is left to chance. That casual conversation was not merely “luck of the draw”. God speaks to us through many mediums…quite often through other people. That day…that conversation….God spoke to me loud and clear through the words of a dear friend.
Moving forward, I did my research and set up an appointment to meet with the director of the local Dyslexia Reading Connection. It was clear from the first 30 minutes on the internet that Dyslexia was indeed what we were dealing with….the meeting was just a formality at this point. So, we met with the woman this week and found out after going through a lengthy assessment, that Dyslexia is pretty much all it could be. There is a $700 test we can do to have an “official” piece of paper proclaiming its Dyslexia for sure, but she said with the high cost and ruling out all other options, there is really no point to it. She mentioned that if the official documentation from the formal test would get us anywhere with his current school system, then it would be worth it. Unfortunately though, his school is in no way equip to accommodate his needs. The teachers are not trained properly on how to teach to a Dyslexic child. After all, they were not even equipped to notice the warning signs, so needless to say, my faith is rattled considerably in their ability!
Which brings us to the next hurdle….where do we go from here?
Our options:
We can keep him in the school he currently attends. I can then run him to tutoring 3 days a week, year round, for a minimum of 3 years after school where he would then have to come home and try to get homework done on top of the 9-hour day he has already put in. And the cost for the tutoring is astronomical! Insurance won’t cover it because they claim it’s a learning disability and the responsibility falls on the school system. The public school system claims it’s a medical condition so they disown any responsibility to help either. It’s madness, and the only ones suffering are the kids falling through the cracks and the parents struggling to pay for the help their children so desperately need.
Our other option is to pull him from his current school and enroll him in a local non-denominational Christian school that caters to working with Dyslexic children. Its a “normal” school, meaning that many children without any learning disabilities attend, but all of their teachers are trained in Dyslexia and are prepared and willing to meet the proper classroom accommodations Avery will need as he goes through elementary school and even into Middle school. It is only 15 minutes from our home and they even offer the tutoring he needs built right into his daily schedule. This means that my little 7-year-old will only need to put in a normal day’s worth of schoolwork without the extra time after school for additional tutoring. This option seems like a no-brainer; however, the cost for tuition alone at this new school is double what we are paying where he currently attends. And on top of the tuition, we still need to pay the tutoring cost, but they do offer that at a substantial discount from the normal fees, if he attends their school.
Either option lands our world in a tailspin. I will most definitely need to get a part time job on top of the full time, stay-at-home job I already manage. We have many decisions to make regarding his care and very little time to pull the trigger on either option.
So, overall…I feel lost! I feel scared and sad for my son because all parents want the very best life for their children with the least amount of struggles. While I realize fully that this is not a death sentence for Avery…it is a life sentence.
He will deal with this issue forever and that breaks my heart. School will never come easy for him. He will always need to work twice as hard as the kid sitting next to him in class does. It pains me to know how hard he will need to work at such a tender, young age when all he should be worrying about is playing with his race cars and running around with the neighborhood kids.
And I will do my best to see to it that his world remains as it should…full of carefree wonderment. But deep down I know that there is only so much my love can do for him…there is only so much I can protect him from. This is apparently his cross to bear….as it is now mine too, and I will be by his side to help ease his load whenever possible. And when I cannot, I will fall to my knees and pray that God will step in where I must let go.
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PS I will be posting links to as much reputable Dyslexia information I come across so if you have concerns or want to educate yourself with the warning signs, the resources will be available to you.
Sunday, 2. August 2009
Oh my, I just really am at a loss for words.
Of course, you and little Avery are in my thoughts and prayers; that goes without saying. And I know you realize that, while this is certainly upsetting and QUALITY OF LIFE threatening news, it is not DEVASATING news. My daughter teaches first grade, and every year has had at least one child in her class with severe problems. (I consulted with her just now to see if she had dealt specifically with dyslexia, but she had not.) It is always a struggle for her to get “the system” to test and diagnose these children, then get them into the appropriate classes. And occasionally, a child has a parent with the same learning disability, or a parent who simply doesn’t care.
Luckily for Avery, he has two parents who care deeply and have the capability to deal with his problem. Yes, you’re absolutely right that he (and you) will have to deal with this for…ever. And the way you approach his treatment now will affect EVERYTHING in his future.
The no-brainer option is certainly the way to go, even though it will mean sacrifice on your part. But what mother wouldn’t make sacrifices for her children? Of course you will; we all would. Is it possible that some kind of government or church assistance may be available? Are there ways in which you can make cuts, in order to put more money into Avery’s schooling and tutoring? Maybe not sell the house, stay where you are for a while longer? Or can you make some money with your incredible writing talent? Beginning right now, I shall be sure to click on your ads ever time I visit.
This will not be easy for any of you. But life is a constant learning lesson, and you and Avery will gain from this experience. Whatever you decide, know that you have friends who support you and care.
Sunday, 2. August 2009
Oh Sara it breaks my heart to hear about Avery. I can kind of feel some of your pain but not as greatly. In 3rd grade, Ross was diagnosed with ADD. It was heartbreaking to see. He was struggling a little bit in the beginning of the school year so we had him tested. He was then put on medicine and what a difference. He was able to be off the medicine in the summer but now will have to start taking it again when school starts. I felt bad because every night of homework was such a struggle and we would both end of crying because we were both frustrated. His grades did improve tremendously over the next 3 quarters, but still requires alot of patience and hard work on his part. Hopefully your transition will go smoothly and I will be thinking about you and hoping Avery gets the help he needs. No one likes to see their children suffer. Good luck and take care.
Monday, 3. August 2009
@ Diane VW….
Thanks Diane. Yes, every night of homework with Avery was the same way for us. It would take 2-3 hours to get him through 30 min of work because he would get so frustrated. Trying to get him to “read more” as his teacher instructed was a living hell. We would both end up in tears. His prognosis is great. After reviewing his work from 1st grade, the Director of the center said he is definitely only mildly Dyslexic. There are degrees….so I guess I am relieved its not severe. She said it should be no time at all before he is reading at grade level which makes me feel more hope than I have had in years! We will keep Ross in our thoughts and prayers as well because nobody likes to see their child struggle in any way. It is sometimes harder on us parents than it is on the children. And I’m thrilled to hear that the meds have helped him. That means there is hope for the years to come…for all of us, right?!
Monday, 3. August 2009
@ ethelmaepotter….
Thank you ethelmae for your thoughts and prayers. You are right…this is certainly not devastating news….just a bit disheartening. His prognosis is great. the Director said he appears to only have mild Dyslexia which is a relief in and of itself. There are degrees…and a severe diagnosis seems to impair quality of life even into adulthood. She believes he can be reading at grade level in no time at all. And all his other skills….math, science, social studies….are all at or above grade level already so its really a reading/writing/spelling issue at this point. So all in all, I feel very hopeful for his future. As long as we take the proper steps now, I have great faith that his academic life will be a success. Selling the house will actually help. We hope to get into a less expensive home (taxes here are outrageous for our lot size) and we stand to make a decent profit from the sale of the home. All in all, it would be a blessing to move on from this place. Either way, we will do without whatever is not necessary to ensure the quality of his education and tutoring, as with all of our children, will come first. And you are exactly right, we have a great support system which means we are blessed beyond measure!
Monday, 3. August 2009
You bet Sara. There is hope. I am hoping we have a good year in school and things will only get better from this point forward. It is I believe a lot harder on us then it is on them. I feel as though sometimes like I did something wrong as a parent, I just think that is a natural feeling on our part because we are the parents and only want what is best for our children. I will also keep Avery in our prayers and hope to see you when school starts.
Monday, 3. August 2009
What a relief that the dyslexia is only mild! Though, of course, it is still dyslexia, and I’m sure that there will be times when you’ll just want to throw your hands into the air and give up on it all. When, or IF that happens, you just give Avery some breathing space, get your computer out, and VENT. We’re here for you.
Friday, 7. August 2009
Hi
Every day I read Ethelmaespotters blog and now I found Yours.
And since I have a child that started with Norwegian lanugages and continiued with Danish at age 2 and half year, well I know a bit of the situastion You are in.
My boy went to daycare the first half year after we come here, then kindergarten and then school and every time we went to a shcool meeting we got the messages that he still speaked Norwegian languages, which we knew was wrong since we my husbond and I speaks it both and grew up there. So we asked for some more help for him to learn how to read.
He has always been the best in Class for mathematics so there wasn´t any problems there.
They told us that he was so Young and the social skills wernt´what it should be- we wondered and wondered about all of this , the only problem he had was the reading skills and he worked with it
Then after 3 grade he got some help at the school to get some exctra help and it work out very good, and he has been learning to read etc after that, it was just a bit late.
Well , he then got very interested in some great childrens books and started to read this books and it went better and better, but still they werent satisfied at the school and said that he wasnt´there he should be and that he spoked Norwegian , which at this point I said now You have to stop saying this because we know that he dosn´t speak Norwegian accent anymore he does not have this language in him anymore. And my boy went with us at one speak at school when I fianally realised that this didn´t work and my son got more and more unhappy going to school.
So when my daughter should start school last year we got her in at a private school. We didn´t want this to happen to her too, and we knew that when we got her in , my son come on the top of the list for this private school
One Year ago right before my kids should starts summer holiday the teacher made and uninvited visit at our door ask me to sign a paper to give my son exctra education with a speak tereaput This they had found out she said ( after 6 years in school)
He couldn´t prononse R - what so it wasnt´the Norwegian Language it was something wrong with his speaking.
I signed the paper and asked when this teraput should start with him,
that she didnt know.
Well T my daughter started her school and JM started his old school in August last year well, after a month the speaking tearaput had still not started with him.
Then one day earlie September I got a call from the superviser at T´s school telling me that they had room for JM and if we wanted it we should start right away.
He started two days later. When we got shown the class room etc, I told the superviser that he was promissed a speak teraput on the old school, she said that we will take care of right now.
And what a chock we got.
I went with him to the first meeting and found out that the other pupils had bullied him so much because of his speaks so I sat there lissing to him about what they had said, and was thinking that this had his old teacher must have known about. She must have known for a long time that he couldn´t say R properly and that the other pupils had made him so bad, so he actually had stopped speaking and there we had the social skills that come in. No wonder why he had been so unhappy for several Years, when nobody cared about him .
And as a mother I felt I had let him down, and was so sorry that I hadnt´understood what was going on.
Well , he got the help he needed and to say after winterholiday this Year the teraput called me and said that she didn´t need to help him anymore because he was there he should be, and is a happy boy today. Nearly a teen. one more thing , they have found out here in Denmark is
If the child has difficultyes with talking like my son with the R- they will not read or write properly before they get help.
And reading books after books and write storys and is very good in school.
Back to Your problem mother 2 mother
From my uncel I have heard about dyslexia he was the headmaster on his school for years.
What he told me is very interesting to know.
Turn the book upside down helps some
Read the words backwords
Put them behind a computer and make easy lettuce game with them.
My uncel told me it was when he got the pupils behind the computer that he really could see the difference in learning for them.
The Royal family in Norway and Sweden had Dyslexia and are working world wide with infomation about this, I think that Queen Silvia of Sweden is one of the person working very much with it and that if You google her that You might find something You could show Your school.
Hope this help You on the way to decide what to do.
Mutter
Friday, 14. August 2009
@ Mutter….
Thank you for your thoughts and suggestions and even more so, thank you for sharing your story with me. I am so happy that all worked out for your family! I feel confident that we will get my son the very best help I can find. It will take a ton of hard work, but I know he can do it. Thank you again for the inspiration! Sara