Why do we all chase after the untouchables in our lives?  I am sitting here watching SpongeBob with my kids…and one of the characters, Plankton, spends his life chasing after his nemesis, Mr. Krab’s, hamburger formula.  Of course, he is defeated every time but he continues to make it his life’s mission to chase after this unattainable prize.  I realized that I do that with certain things in my life as well.  I know…I know!  You know I’ve had too much coffee when I’m finding meaning in SpongeBob….and I’ve really went over the edge when I’m finding parallelism between a cartoon and my own world…but just go with me on this one.

I realized that there are things in my life that I “chase”…things I have been chasing forever…that I know I will never reach.  I have family members I want to change.  I try to save them from themselves, even though I know they will never be any different than they are today.  And the funny thing is…I watch them chase after me trying to change me into the person they want me to be.  It’s all nuts!  I try to force relationships between family members that will never click and yet I try anyway to forge the gap between them.  I keep insisting that I become the skinny little tot I was when I graduated High School fully knowing that after 5 children, my stomach will never even resemble the flat tummy I once knew.  And I’m embarrassed to admit…I too try to “keep up with the Jone’s”.  I never “covet thy neighbor” in the sense that I wish I had “it” and they did not.  I just see the lifestyles some of my friends lead and wish I could run in the same circles.

Well, I have made the decision to try and change this unfavorable trait.  I am tired of trying to accomplish the impossible. So I have tried to find some resolve with certain “thorns” in my side.   I have concluded that no matter what I do, there are certain people in my life that will never get along with each other.   While I am not giving up on being healthy and fit, I am going to accept that I will NEVER have the body I had 15 years ago. And I’m all done trying to keep up with the next guy.

We are selling our house, and most people do that to “upgrade” to the next level.  They leave behind the starter home in order to move into the larger, upscale home.  This pattern happens until the kids are all grown and homeowners of their own and then downsizing begins.  We chase after these big fancy houses and huge, beautifully landscaped yards while our children are young.  We want the best for them, but the time and energy it takes to maintain that huge yard and clean 4 bathrooms each week is actually a detriment to our children.   And don’t get me wrong.  Our house has been on and off the market for 2 years now.  The plan all along has been to “upsize”.  We even had blue prints drawn up of our dream home and had every intention of building it once this house sold.  But in the recent months, with all the things that have hit us lately…my son’s dyslexia for example…my perspective on everything has changed.  My priorities have shifted and I feel that I’m seeing clearer now than ever before.  I have faith that there are no coincidences in this life.  My house has not sold for a reason.  God needed to give me all the time I needed to figure some things out….and thankfully, I am finally getting it loud and clear.

Translation:  my husband and I have made a decision that may seem backwards to most people.  We are going against the grain and doing what feels right for our lives at this time.  We have committed ourselves to downsizing…rather than upsizing…the home we buy once ours is sold.  I want my home to feel “cozy” and warm.  I want their bedrooms to be small enough that it forces them to come out and join us in the common areas of the home.  And I want to save on my mortgage…I want to spend less on a house payment and more on family vacations and their collage funds.  I want to create the “simple life” I have always dreamed of but been too afraid to go after.  I’ve always been too worried about how crazy all my friends will think I am to be buying a smaller house rather than “moving up in the world”.   I don’t want to explain to people why I’ve decided to get rid of all but one of the TV’s in our house and how I really do believe we can live without cable.  I just want to make the changes in our lives that we deem appropriate without needing to explain myself or justify our choices.

I’m always so concerned with what others think of me…what they think of my crazy family members…what they think of how fat I’ve gotten or what they think of my house, my car…But no more.  I refuse to do it anymore.

Today I turn over a new leaf…a new year’s resolution in August, if you will.   I’m going to create the life that I desire…not the life that matches the neighbor’s version of living the dream.  I’m going to start living our dream!