Well, I certainly feel better now.  After another busy day of packing, I took a hot bath followed by a cool shower.  I tend to do a ton of thinking and praying while relaxing in the bath or showering and tonight was no different.  Afterwards, I came out and sat in my favorite chair, opened up my laptop and just started….crying!  I’m sure you didn’t see that one coming…that’s ok, neither did I!  Corey is chatting on and on to me…really he’s talking to himself but acting like he’s carrying on a conversation with me…when all of a sudden he stops mid sentence, sees that I’m crying and asks, “What’s wrong?  Why are you crying?”  I can tell that he really doesn’t want the answer to his question because immediately following his inquiry he went back to reading something online, which is his nonverbal way of letting me know that ok, I asked what’s wrong, but if it has to do with me or something I did wrong, than I really don’t feel like getting yelled at tonight!  And he need not worry….these tears have nothing to do with him.  After everything I mulled over in the bath tonight regarding my life right now, I got so overwhelmed in the tub that I must have just needed to “let it out”.  And now that I have….I do feel much better, at least I feel calmer…not so overwhelmed.  But that is not what this post is supposed to be about….

I realized that aside from my proclamation post when I announced the pregnancy, I haven’t blogged about it since then.  It wasn’t a conscious choice.  I’ve just been so consumed with all the other aspects of my life right now that the pregnancy seems to be taking a back seat, and I’m starting to feel bad about that.  I will be 11 weeks on Saturday…11 weeks already!  I’m sure to many of you, this doesn’t seem very far along at all…but it means that I am nearly done with the first trimester already and then there are only 6 months to go!  Only 6 months before I have another little bundle of joy to love, snuggle, and care for.  And believe me, 6 months may seem like a life time away, but I know that the next 6 months are going to fly right past me without so much as chance to catch my breath.  Before I can blink, I’m going to be in labor freaking out because I’m still getting used to the idea of being pregnant so it can’t possibly be time to push already!  Please…somebody give me another 6 months to prepare!!

It’s not like I don’t think about being pregnant and the baby every day, but aside from the physical changes my body is going through that are hard to ignore, I really don’t “feel” pregnant at all.  I mean, I’m sure the tears I just shed could be chalked up to pregnancy hormones..but then again, it could just be from an overwhelming amount of anxiety in my life right now and pregnant or not…tears needed to stream tonight!

Emotionally justified or not, the physical changes are hard to get passed.  I am exhausted…I mean, drop dead, cannot think clearly, delusionally confused kind of exhausted.  Although I certainly don’t help my situation by going to be at 11pm or later every night, getting up at least once in the middle of the night with Natalie (YES…she is STILL waking up in the middle of the night) and needing to wake up at 6am every morning to get the kids ready for school.   I’m sure I should be retiring to my nice, warm bed every evening at 9pm, but the reality is I’m still picking kids up from practice and helping them with homework at that hour so early to bed for a mom with 5 active children is not an option…even if she is pregnant and so tired she cannot see straight.

The morning sickness hasn’t been bad.  I always tend to get it during the evening hours and it holds true for this baby as well.  I have had my moments where the sight of the kids eating a hot dog sends my gag reflexes into overdrive, but all in all, I really cannot complain.

And I have to admit that my belly is starting to bulge already.  I’ve always shown early so this should be no surprise to me.  In past pregnancies, by 2 months I was in maternity pants already so for me to nearly make it to 3 months before the bulge showed up is pretty good.  But it’s now to the point where even my “fat” jeans make me want to lean back and unbutton them within 5 minutes of putting them on so it’s probably time for me to break out my “big girl panties” (this is what I lovingly refer to as my maternity clothes).  I hate making that move though because it’s not like I’m showing enough for those clothes to fit properly either.  I put on a pair today, they nearly fell off of me, and the magic waste band came up so high that it could have doubled as a bra.  So, I guess I’m just at that in between stage where my regular clothes look too tight on me and people are  looking at me and thinking, wow…Sara really put on a few pounds right in the gut area over the summer…and the big girl panties that are way too big today, but will all too soon fit just right.  Yep…that’s the stage I’m at!

So as I’ve mentioned, aside from these for mentioned physical ailments, I’ve really not taken the time to emotionally or mentally embrace this fantastic journey we are on….FOR THE VERY LAST TIME!!  I want to try and push all the concerns and craziness in my life to one side for just a moment and acknowledge, for myself more than anything, that indeed, I am pregnant and the thought of that thrills me beyond compare!  So even though many of you may get sick of reading about it, I am going to make a concerted effort to chronicle this journey through this blog.  I want to share details of how I’m feeling, what it’s like to share this experience with Corey for the second time, how the kids are adjusting to the idea, and much, much more.

Regret is a terrible thing….and something I grapple with on a regular basis, so I refuse to have any regrets over this pregnancy.  I don’t want to look back at this time and wonder why I dedicated a mere handful of posts to such a magnificent and transforming event in our lives.   I don’t want to start this baby’s life already wondering, “where did the time go?”

So I invite you all to join me on this marvelous adventure and share with me the trials and tribulations of a soon-to-be mother of 6!