Today I would like to write about my oldest son, Bailey.  We celebrated his 12th birthday just a couple of weeks ago and I have yet to take the time to pay homage to his birth.  Therefore, without further ado…I want to take a moment to reminisce about his birthday and the young man he is becoming.

My first child, Kylie, came into this world kicking and screaming after TWENTY hours of labor and an hour and half of pushing. So when the doctor told me that she was going to induce me with Bailey, I went into sheer panic mode.

I will never forget the night before his birth. I was sitting in the glider rocker placed in a corner of our small apartment living room, and I was sobbing. I don’t think up to that point, I had ever felt more scared of anything in my life. For me, the transition from having no children to one child was not nearly as difficult as the transition from one child to two. I was about to be outnumbered and I was terrified that I would not be able to handle it. There is only 17 months between my oldest two children so I really couldn’t wrap my brain around how I was going to manage a toddler and a newborn at the same time. I mean, what was going to happen when I need to go to the bathroom and they were both in need of my care????!!!! Seriously, these were the kinds of things I was fretting about while I rocked and cried hysterically all night in that chair. Looking back, I can laugh at my silly fears, but at the time…they were very real…and truly terrifying.

There was also the fear of labor and delivery that loomed in my heart that night. Being induced comes with the convenience of being completely “prepared” for the arrival of your new baby, but it also comes with the pesky knowledge that you are indeed going to push a child the size of a large watermelon out of a very small part of your body….and that moment will begin precisely at 6am tomorrow morning!

For me, ignorance is bliss! With my first pregnancy, I was induced as well, but I had no idea what I was in for. But this time around….no….this time I knew just how ugly labor and delivery could be, and I was paralyzed with fear over knowing how intense and painful the next day was going to be for me! So I sat rocking and crying and praying that God would just find a way to keep this child inside me indefinitely…or at least until Kylie was 10 years old when I wasn’t going to feel so outnumbered ( or so I thought).

But fortunately, God knew better than I did, and I was induced the next day. And I cannot even put into words what a different experience his birth was compared to my first go ‘round with labor and delivery. My labor went from 20 hours to 11 hours. My pushing went from an hour and a half to 15 minutes! My epidural was administered after 8 hours of labor with Bailey instead of 12 hours with Kylie. I specifically remember hearing the nurse say, “Look at you…you are so happy and smiling like you are not even in labor.”

She was right. I was smiling because what I did not know going into my son’s birth was that each labor and delivery is very unique even if that child is coming out of the same body. So just because my daughter needed to make her entrance into the world kicking and screaming….my son didn’t feel any need to put up a fight. He joined us at 7:54pm weighing in at 7lbs 13 oz and 21 inches long (my largest baby to date)!

So as I reflect on his birth, I see clearly that my baby boy is no longer such a baby. He is nearly a teenager and adds so much joy to our lives. It’s amazing to watch him slowly developing into a man, but what really moves me is how many personality traits he has possessed since day one showing me that in Bailey’s case…nature vs. nurture has done a fine job all on its own.

He always had a love for sports. From the moment he could grasp something in his tiny little hands, he wanted to hold onto a ball. From the moment he was steady enough to stand on his own two feet, he was dunking his basketball into a Little Tykes hoop. From the moment he could run, he was racing everyone and anyone down the street and back.

He has always had a love for all things sports related; he has always been as quick as lighting; he has always been the epitome of perpetual motion. Bailey has always been the child that after an entire weekend in a gym, playing several games of basketball asks, “What’s next, mom?” Just one more thing I have come to know, expect, and love about my son. Because as exhausting as his constant energy can be, it also comes with a zest for life that can only be seen through Bailey’s eyes.

Without exaggeration, he always has a smile on his face, a song in his heart, and a compassion for others that is to be admired and mimicked. I remember several times when he was young seeing other children using Bailey or treating him like a doormat. He would never understand my concern over these types of so-called “friends”. I would try and explain to him how he shouldn’t let people treat him poorly or let other kids walk all over him, and he would just look at me and say, “But he’s my friend”. My fear was that his tender heart and innocent way of looking at the world would hurt him in so many ways. And while I’m sure Bailey will have his share of heartbreak due to his trusting and loving nature, he has taught me that going through life on the defense is no way to live either.

So I have let go. I have let Bailey love the world and all that it has to offer him with reckless abandon. I have stepped back and stopped trying to change his outlook. I no longer want him to look at life through suspicious eyes, but rather love unconditionally as he does. Watching him love so willingly has taught me more about the way God wants us to live than I could ever teach him about life.

So with tears in my eyes and a love I have no words for…I would like to wish my son a very Happy Birthday! Bailey, you will forever make me proud to your mama!