The big day is nearly here.  We are less than 30 hours away from my scheduled induction and I am just reeling with emotion.

A TINY bit of disappointment:

As many of you know, I have been induced with my 5 previous pregnancies, so the birth of my children has never been a surprise for me.   With my first couple of children, it really didn’t matter much to me.  I was so excited to meet them, that being induced at 38 weeks (with both of them due to asthma complications), seemed great to me.

But as children 3, 4, & 5 joined us, I became increasingly more distraught over the induction idea.  I just wanted that spontaneous moment so badly.  I had played the scenario over and over again in my head thousands of times with each pregnancy.

It’s the middle of the night….I wake up in a puddle….shake my hubby vigorously to wake him up and tell him “it’s time”!

Or, I’m making dinner and I have a noticeable contraction….and then another….and then another. I soon realize that these contractions, unlike the ones I was feeling prior to this moment, are meeting all the criteria for real labor. They are time- able, they are growing increasingly more intense, and the reality sets in that “it’s time”!

However, I have never had the opportunity for these or any of my other labor fantasies to play out. With child 3, I was induced at 37 weeks because of my asthma. With baby 4, I had preeclampsia so I was induced at 36 weeks. With child 5, I was induced at 39 weeks, again due to my asthma.

I guess I’ve always resented the predictability of it all. I always found out the sex of the baby so that was no surprise. We always had the name chosen well in advance so that was no surprise. I was always induced so the birth date was no surprise. And after the first couple of children, each labor progressed exactly the same way so even my labors were no surprise.

I certainly know there are worse tragedies out there than knowing the day you are going to have your baby. It does come with the benefits of being able to be fully prepared, have sitters lined up, making sure every last detail in my home is in order, etc. So I do try and focus on the positives that being induced offers, but I still just wanted this last baby….my last chance to do it on my own…..to come on his or her own. However, due to my asthma (again) and probably equally due to my OB’s fondness of having it scheduled, I will be induced at 7:30am on Friday, March 26^th.

And while I may know when the baby will be born, this time around….for the first time ever….I have no idea if we are having a boy or girl so we will have the biggest surprise of all on Friday!

A bit of fear mixed with a touch of sadness:

I’m sure the fear needs no explanation. I don’t fear the labor….just that the baby comes out healthy. I cannot even imagine what I would do if something went wrong with labor and there was a problem with the baby, so that fear and anxiety, I believe, is normal for any mother about to give birth.

The sadness….well…..I always feel a twinge of sadness and have to choke back a whole lot tears when I tuck my babies into bed the night before our lives will change forever. I love my life so much. I adore the dynamics of our family so much that knowing things are going to change and never be the same once we wake up in the morning, I can’t help but feel sad for what I have to say goodbye to.

But most of all….more than any other emotion….I feel so much joy, excitement, anticipation, and love in my heart! I am so excited to walk the halls of the hospital with Corey through my labor….stopping along the way to breathe through the contractions and feeling his strong hand holding my hand with each step…..listening to his soft-spoken, but firm words of encouragement when I’m struggling several hours into the process. I am already overwhelmed with the mere thought of Corey holding his baby girl or boy for the very first time. Just thinking about witnessing such a tender moment brings me to tears.

I cannot wait to hold my newest blessing from God myself. I want to count all his or her fingers and toes and see if he/she has blonde hair or brown hair. I am overwhelmed with love for this child already, but I know that the moment that baby is placed on my tummy, my heart will swell even larger than I could have imagined.

So as I tuck my babies into bed tonight….as I pack my bag in anticipation for the big day….I pray that all will go well.

I pray that God will help our family transition from a family of 7 to a family of 8.

I pray my children will adjust well to the newest addition.

I pray that our latest miracle will be healthy as can be.

I pray….I pray….and I pray some more.

Ahhh…..where to begin.

It has been a long couple of weeks and I have so much to blog about I don’t know where to start.  It’s been a couple of trying weeks in our household, and I am a firm believer in the cliché, “What doesn’t kill me, will make me stronger”.

I also know that in the wise words of Mother Theresa, “God won’t give us anything we cannot handle.  I just wish He didn’t trust me so much!”

That statement is tried and true for my life lately.   My baby girl, Natalie, came down with croup that then turned into pneumonia.  She has never been so sick and the high fevers that kept her and I awake, all night long, for 5 straight days was enough to drive any mother insane with worry!  We couldn’t get the meds in her to bring her fever down….we couldn’t get the meds in her to fight off the pneumonia….it was just a mess all the way around.   By the sheer grace of God, she is on the mend, but it wasn’t before she graciously shared her illness with me.

Within 2 days of her fever breaking and turning the corner from extremely ill to just mildly sick, I had come down with a full blown case of….well, it was either bronchitis or pneumonia….which landed me in the ER at 1:30am this past Friday morning, struggling to breathe.  The doctor was unable to confirm which one it was for sure.  With being so pregnant (38 weeks), it didn’t make sense to do an x-ray to confirm which it was because the treatment for me was going to be the same either way.   A high dose of antibiotics and lots of breathing treatments to get me over the hump. It took several days of treatment before I felt semi-human again, but alas.….I’m doing much better than I was a mere 4 days ago.

And while this may seem hard to believe coming from an exhausted, sick, very pregnant, asthmatic who was still recovering from her baby girl being sicker than ever before….the worst of our week was still lying ahead for us. On that same Friday that I returned home from my ER visit, my husband was let go from his job. The company that he had been working for over the past 4 years could not stay afloat with these tough economic times and had to close their doors. He was let go effective immediately.

So….again….allow me to recap:

Very sick toddler

Very sick mommy

Husband lost his job

Baby #6 due in less than 2 weeks

Yep…I guess that about covers everything!

To say we lead boring lives would be a lie. There is truly never a dull moment in our household, and I guess if we want the good, we must also weather the bad. Life wouldn’t be nearly as miraculous or precious if it was always good times. I realize that we all deserve our time to struggle and the up’s and down’s on our journey just bring us closer together and allow us to really cherish the blessings. The bad times are really just more blessings in disguise.

While this has been and will continue to be a trying time in our lives as my husband tries to find a new job, I refuse to let it damper the immense blessing we are about to experience with the pending birth of our child. My induction date has been set for March 26^th at 7:30am if I am unable to go into labor on my own prior to that time. No matter how I slice it, I will not be pregnant for any longer than 10 more days!

And just the thought of getting to meet our latest blessing and newest miracle from God is enough to overcome any hardship we face right now, and thank God that He does trust me so much!