Where do I begin this evening? So much has happened since my last post (I know…it’s been too long), that I don’t even know what to cover first.

Let me quickly address our housing situation since that’s where I last left off.  To make a long story very short, everything worked out….solely due to God’s grace….well, God’s grace along with the meager price of $600 to make the wife “comfortable” with letting us move in early.  We were able to move into our house last Saturday.  It was a rough few days to minimize how things really felt, but we made it through in tact and are pleased to have enjoyed our first week in our new house.   Corey and I love the house.  The kids seem to like it as they are adapting to the change a bit slower than we have, but I know they will grow to love it time.   Every box is unpacked.  All the pictures are hung.  We are settled in and now planning out our home improvement projects.  Our closing is this week Wednesday, October 14 (so much for “hoping for” October 2).  While we have made it our home already, it will still feel wonderful to make it official by signing on the dotted line!

Moving on to even bigger and better things than our new home is my husband, Corey’s birthday!  His birthday is tomorrow, October 12 and in this house, we celebrate birthdays BIG!  Well, I mean we don’t fly to Paris for the weekend or anything, but it’s always been really important to me that I make everyone feel extra special on their birthday.

When Corey came into our lives many years ago, this grand celebration with a big dinner, family and friends over to celebrate, presents, cake, and ice cream was not met with open arms by him.  He never really cared for the big “fuss” over him.  He always preferred to go about his day as if it were any ordinary day and did not like all the attention and fan fare we put on for him.  I always had hurt feelings because the kids and I would go out of our way to make him feel special, and he would get crabbier as the day progressed.  I talked to his mom about his apparent attitude one time, and she told me that he’s always been that way.  Holidays, including his birthday, were never his favorite.   She told me that he always seemed to get quiet and sullen on big days and that it was just part of who he was.  I needed to just accept it and treat his birthday as any other day if I wanted to keep the peace.

Well, for any of you who know me, you can imagine how well that went over.  I just couldn’t get myself to ignore his birthday.  The kids were always excited to celebrate it, and it just didn’t seem right to treat the day he was born as “no big deal”.   So I did things my way…the only way I know how.

We celebrated every year whether he liked it or not.  I would make a big dinner.  The kids and I would make the cake and decorate it together.  We would pick out his present and wrap it.  The streamers and decorations were hung and the camera battery was fully charged and ready to go.  There were a few years after he knew what to expect when he came home from work that he would work “late” on those nights just trying to avoid the ordeal.  But we waited patiently and celebrated when he did decide to show up regardless of the time.

As the years together progressed, he seemed to accept that this is something we need to do and he’s become a much better sport about the whole thing.  One year I even threw a little surprise party for him with family and friends at his favorite restaurant.  His mom was nervous and holding her breath to see how he reacted to this little ditty. I just walked in holding his hand and praying to God he wouldn’t be angry with me for the rest of the year for pulling a stunt like that.   Much to all of our surprise, he handled it well and seemed to really enjoy himself.  I think that was a real turning point for both of us.

Given his feelings surrounding birthday hoopla, you can just imagine my surprise this year when he started talking about his “birthday weekend” coming up and what we were going to do to celebrate!  I can honestly say that every time he mentioned the weekend with excitement and anticipation in his voice, it nearly brought me to tears.   I felt more relief and pure joy in my heart celebrating with him this year than ever before.   We didn’t do anything spectacular, but just knowing that he was looking forward to it made it all the more special…for me at least!

On Saturday, we went to dinner and a movie with some dear friends of ours.  We laughed, talked, and enjoyed the evening together just as any date night….but for me, I felt more connected to him than ever before.   To see him relax, let his guard down, and enjoy being out to celebrate HIM, was almost magical!  It felt like we had finally broken down whatever barrier had been in place all these years that made him feel he was unworthy of celebrating.

Tonight, we had a nice, big family dinner complete with decorations, ice cream, and angel food cake (his favorite).  He opened his presents and again, it appeared as though his wall was down.  Tomorrow night is his actual birthday and of course our schedule is chalked full of events….football practice, volleyball game, homework, etc, etc….so the festivities will come to an end for this year.

But as I reflect on this amazing man I get the privilege of growing old with, I am moved once again to tears over how blessed I am to have him in my life.  He is insanely intelligent and wonderfully charming.  He is a man of few words, but when he does chose to speak up, he is always worth listening to.  He is passionate about so many worthy causes that when I sit back and watch him discuss the injustices in this world that move him, he actually compels me to want to make a difference….he even makes me feel like I can make a difference in this world.  He is one of my biggest supporters and knows me better than I know myself.  He is strong and steadfast and the most fiercely loyal man I know.   To know him, is to love him, and he sincerely makes me want to be a better person each and every day.  I am blessed to lay beside him each night and tackle each day with him by my side.

It is because of all this and so much more, I will do my best to honor my husband on his special day…this year and all the years to come.  Whether he realizes it or not, the day he came into this world will ALWAYS be worth celebrating!

And to his mother who raised him to be the man he is today….thank you!

Happy Birthday Corey.  I love you!

Corey and my 3rd anniversary was two weeks ago yesterday.  I dropped the ball on the actual day.  I was crabby and barely acknowledged it.  I mean, I was so terrible to him that I came home to a dozen pink (my favorite) roses, a “Happy Anniversary” balloon, and two cards; one was a cute, funny card that he gave me with the flowers…the other one was a romantic, sweet card I found on my pillow when I went to bed that night, and I didn’t even so much as give him a card!!!  I know….I know….I am the worst wife on the planet!!

Needless to say, the fact that he was sleeping out on the couch by the time I found the second card, after we had argued and I told him not to bother to come to bed, reallllllyyyy made me feel like a winner of a wife.  Looking back, I don’t even remember what we argued about or why I was in such a terrible mood, but I do know that I single handedly turned our 3rd anniversary into a disaster in short order.  I’m not one for taking all the blame for our fights, but this time…it was all me!

The next couple of days I felt terrible…I felt ashamed of my behavior and was so embarrassed that I barely mustered up an “I’m sorry” under my breath.  I just hung my head and wanted to forget the day ever happened.  Somehow, as he always does, he forgave me for being such a royal b#%ch, and we moved on.   As if his forgiveness wasn’t enough, he told me last night that he is taking me out on Saturday night for a belated anniversary date!  He is taking care of all the arrangements…planning the evening…setting up the sitter…everything!

So now ask me how I feel…..

Yep…

You guessed it…..like an even BIGGER failure as a wife!  I realized that I blog about every major event in our lives…for every holiday I blog about the details of the festivities…for every birthday I write a special post for each one of the kids…but I didn’t write a word about our anniversary.

So today is the day.

Today is the day that I truly make amends for dropping the ball as a wife.  Today I officially apologize for being such a shmuk and declare that I am the most blessed woman alive for finding such a genuine, amazing, loving man!

To the love of my life:

It’s been 3 very quick years, and I cannot believe how blessed I am to have you as my husband. You mean more to me that words or any post could ever express.  You are truly my very best friend, and my love for you grows stronger with each passing day.  Thank you for this wonderful life you’ve given me.  You work so hard to provide such a fabulous life for us.  You are my protector, my lover, and my best friend.  You are the most beautiful man I know.

Corey, you managed to not only love me in a way I have never been loved before, but more importantly…you found enough room in your heart to love my four children…and for that, I will be forever grateful!

All my love today, tomorrow, and forever,

Your wife.

Let me offer my meager insight into marriage. I have come to realize that there is no way my marriage will survive if I am not putting 100% of myself in to it.  80%, 90%, not even 99% will suffice.  Anything less than 100% is not giving my due diligence to the commitment I made in front of God and to my husband.  Unbelievably, this realization, this simple truth, did not occur to me until I was on my second marriage and running that into the ditch about as well as I had done with the first one. 

I know I am not alone when I say that marriage is hard work.  It takes effort every day to keep it thriving.  Regardless of how much we put into our marriages or how focused we are on our spouses, problems arise.  We have dry spells.  We inadvertently drive a wedge between our husbands and ourselves.  Some of our marriage issues are larger than life: infidelity, lying, abuse, while others are less severe, but still seemingly difficult to navigate through.  Due to these inevitable times in our marriages, many of us might find ourselves in compromising situations and not even realize it.  Temptations creep into our lives and our marriages without our conscious awareness.  In its presence, we can lose sight of everything we hold dear.  

Consider this.  Perhaps there is a dad at your child’s school that you enjoy chatting with, or maybe it is a co-worker that hangs out with you in the break room.  As harmless as these companionships of the opposite sex may appear, they only allow room for temptation and sin when problems arise in your marriage.  They may pose no risk when things are going well with your husband.  However, if your spouse is anything like mine, as most men are not very different from each other, there are always times when things are not going well.  After all, we cannot truly appreciate the good, without openly accepting the bad.  I cannot count on both hands how many times I have uttered the words:  “he just doesn’t understand me”…or “he won’t listen to me”…or “he never pays attention to me”…or “he doesn’t have a clue what I go through every day”…the list is endless and legitimate at that. 

I am confident when I write that I am not alone in those utterances.  I am not insinuating in any way that our gripes are not justifiable either.  I am expressing the deep concern I have regarding these less than blissful times that all marriages go though.  These are the times when our guard must be on red alert.  As harmless as the platonic relationships you hold during the good times are, the more dangerous they can become in short order during the difficult times. 

At times I have even found myself texting, emailing, or chatting on the phone with friends of the opposite sex and divulging more about my problems in my marriage than I realized at the time.  As harmless as these relationships can be, I know looking back that it was providing me with a companionship that I should only be getting from my husband.   With this realization came great regret for what now feels like a betrayal to my husband. 

 While my husband may not have been able to give me that companionship I needed at the time for whatever reason, I made a decision to wait on him until he could provide that for me.  When he makes the effort, and he always does eventually, my heart needs to be fully available to receive it.  This is something I do not feel I would be able to do if I continued to carry on friendships with other men that provided for my emotional needs.  The friendship suddenly becomes a distraction and a diversion from your life momentarily.  However, during difficult times, rather than being diverted from it, we need to be fully present in it if we want to get it back on track.     

I used to think that if my husband would just try harder, do this, or do that, then we would be perfect.  I have come to realize that I cannot control his actions or reactions, but I can control my actions and reactions.  So now, instead of praying for God to change my husband’s heart, I am praying that God will change mine!  I need to change my actions, thoughts, and feelings towards my husband.  I need to avoid temptation, even if that temptation is only in the form of friendship from another man.  I need to open my heart again to even be able to receive the love that my spouse is trying to give me.  Moreover, I have to say, praying for myself makes me feel a whole lot more empowered over my situation than waiting on my husband to make the changes.   

I know many of you reading this are throwing your hands in the air in disagreement.  I want to be clear on this.  I am in no way insinuating that every married woman who carries on friendships with men or has acquaintances of the opposite sex is in danger of cheating on her husband when times get tough.  Nor am I claiming that all co-ed relationships be terminated immediately.  I am simply pointing out a pitfall that I personally have found myself in and want to caution other woman in an effort to avoid the same mistakes I made.  If you take anything away from this passage, simply make a note of it in the back of your mind.  Should you ever find yourself falling into the same sinful traps, you will be on alert for the warning signs.