After re-reading my post the other day, I feel really bad.  I feel like a whiny, cry-baby complaining about the most special gift God has ever given to women….the gift of baring a child.

I truly did not intend to sound so pathetic as I honestly love being pregnant (obviously…this is the 6th time I’ve been willing to go through it).  I was just having a really rough day the day I wrote that and all the little things were getting to me….like the itching all over and lack of sleep.  I don’t want to give anyone the impression that I don’t realize how miraculous being pregnant really is because I do.  I truly cherish being pregnant because I never feel more at peace then when I have a baby growing inside me.   It makes me feel so at ease with the world and no matter how bad things get or how crazy life can be…..I can always sit back, close my eyes, and focus on this little miracle growing within me.  I swear to you, most days that is how I feel and what I focus on.  Unfortunately, I am only human, and the other day keeping my eye on the prize was just a bit too difficult to manage.

So, as silly as it may seem, I feel I need to apologize for acting like such a baby….whining and complaining about normal pregnancy issues while there are so many women out there that would do anything to be feeling as “rough” as I was that day.  I am so blessed that God has granted me the privilege of having another child.  I am overjoyed that our little miracle is thriving so well in the womb.  I thank God each and every day for yet another healthy pregnancy.

And I know how soon the day will come that I will miss every aspect of being pregnant (as I always do) and these little “annoyances” will be a distant memory.

Someone please help me!  I just want my body back!!

And if you only knew how much I hated my pre-pregnancy body to begin with, I think wishing for that back might shed some light on just how miserable this last trimester of my pregnancy has become!

I cannot begin to express to you how long this pregnancy seems to be.  I am 33 weeks along now and have a maximum of 7 very LONG weeks ahead of me.  Some may say, “33 weeks down and ONLY 7 more to go”‘. To those people, thank you for the optimism. However, my favorite is when someone asks me how much longer I have and when I tell them, they respond, “Oh wow….you still have quite a ways to go!”  To those people….well, it would be inappropriate of me to tell you what I think of those people.

The first 6 months just flew by.  I felt great.  I had not gained an exorbitant amount of weight.  Things were moving along at break neck speed, I was cruising through this pregnancy with no issues, and then something happened.  I’m not sure what exactly, but it was like I hit a brick wall and haven’t been able to overcome it since I turned the corner into my 3rd trimester.

In my 7th month, I gained that “exorbitant” amount of weight I had dodged the first 6 months.  So I am now pleased to depict that I look roughly the size of a small home.  I mean, don’t get me wrong….I’m not a 2000 sq foot luxury condo or anything.  Nevertheless, I am definitely the size of a 2 bedroom, 2 bath duplex, to say the least.

My acid reflux issues have been horrific.  I basically have to sleep in a completely vertical position each night and if I don’t, I have the added bonus of getting sick in my sleep (I know…too much detail Sara).

I went from being spot-on with my measurements at the doctor to consistently running 3-4 weeks ahead of schedule.  My conception date is accurate, that much I know for sure. Which means that I’m not due a month early, I just might be incubating the first 15 lb child ever delivered by a woman!  No…seriously, the doctor is thinking the baby might be pushing 9 lbs though and my largest baby to date was only 7lbs 13 oz.  Needless to say, I am less than eager to add TWO extra pounds to the already painfully large children I pushed out previous to this baby.

Due to the lack of room inside me because of the fore-mentioned, larger-than-life peanut I’m carrying, my asthma has been a real treat the last couple of months.  I have to do breathing treatments several times a day just to be able to carry on with daily activities….like WALKING.   I know….I’m really pushing the envelope with that one. And God forbid I attempt to carry up a load of laundry from the basement because then I need to do a couple of breathing treatments just to keep myself out of the hospital.

I have yet another sinus infection that I have been ignoring for weeks before finally asking the doctor to be put on another extremely strong antibiotic.

I can’t sleep at night, but could fall asleep standing up during the day.

I am so uncomfortable in my own skin right now that it’s becoming more unbearable by the minute.

And I know I’m no different from the next woman.  I know that all these issues are just part of the job.  I’m sure many of you women can relate to the insatiable itchy skin that makes you want to take a coat hanger to every square inch of your body.

The waddling around like you belong to a different species….in particular the ones with feathers and webbed feet.

The stretch marks that have taken over my stomach.

The sock marks left behind from my swollen ankles.

The wedding ring that I practically needed surgically removed from my fat fingers before I finally conceded to taking it off.

The mood swings that have me laughing hysterically one minute and nearly hurling a cup at my husband’s head for the mere mention that I get the laundry caught up today.

And let us not forget my poor family members who keep running around the house complaining that they are “freezing to death” simply because I’m keeping the heat at a reasonable temperature.  They claim that seeing their breath inside the house is not “reasonable”, but whatever.  I feel very comfortable as long as I don’t put on anything warmer than a tank top and shorts.

Oh, and no pregnancy rant would be complete without mentioning the stress incontinence that has taken over my life as well. Heaven help me if someone has something funny to say because the mere thought of laughing makes me pee in my pants. I keep yelling at Corey and the kids, “Quit making me laugh. You are going to make me pee my pants!” Yes….you can just imagine how well that goes over with the teenagers in my home!

Well, I have to tell you that I feel much better now that I got all that off my chest. I guess I can stop my whining and complaining for the moment.  I appreciate you indulging me by allowing me to wallow in my big, fat pregnancy woes for today and hope to very, very, very soon be whining to you about how much I miss being pregnant and hate my post pregnancy body!!

Alright, I had written a 2-page post about the new house…how much I’m enjoying the decorating, painting, arranging and then rearranging furniture, etc. HOWEVER, my flippen computer decided to go “offline” about 3 sentences into my 2-page post, and I did not realize it. After I was finished writing it, I hit the “save draft” button and what to my wondering eyes do appear, but the dreaded “this webpage cannot be displayed” message (and 8 tiny reindeer)….so once I got myself back online, my computer had only auto saved those first 3 sentences. Frustrated, I had to walk away and have now lost all inspiration to discuss my passion for faux finishes and the blank canvass my new home has presented me with.

So, I guess you are stuck with an update about my pregnancy and my new found love of anything I previously used to hate! Take for example, the 2 packages of Starburst I have purchased for my snacking pleasure during Kylie’s last 2 volleyball games. I don’t think I’ve eaten a Starburst in 15 plus years, and all of a sudden, I’m downing them like an 8 year old looking for a quick sugar buzz before he hits the playground for a hot game of recess kickball. I just cannot seem to get enough of that fake, fruity goodness (so much for my health food kick).

And then there’s my new addiction to Krunchers Jalapeno potato chips. This fun little snack with a kick like no other has been my new passion for the past 24 hours. We had a makeshift birthday celebration for my son, Brady, who turned 10 last Thursday. He was fortunate enough be hit with the H1N1 virus right before his big day. My poor baby spent his birthday with a terrible fever and laid in his bed for 12 hours straight.

Anyway, he is finally feeling better so my parents joined us last night for a belated birthday celebration and that is when I discovered how great spicy, extra crunchy chips could really be. The oddest thing is I hate spicy foods. Anything that has a peppery bite to it and makes my tongue burn sends me running in the opposite direction. So why did I feel the need to consume half the bag last night and today worked my way through the other half of the bag, I guess it is a mystery I am not meant to understand at this point and I’m ok with that.

For the time being, I’m really enjoying all sorts of tasteful delights that have eluded me over the years. I know I can thank these wonderful pregnancy hormones for the swift shift in my taste bud preferences, but now if they would only back off a little on my tear ducts because this crying-every-day business is really getting old!

Apparently all I needed to do was call myself out on the Internet about struggling with motivation, and boom…I’m on a roll!  It was within minutes of my last post when my attitude shifted into high gear. I got so angry with myself after reading it through that I hopped up, got to work, and haven’t stopped since.  Nearly my entire house is packed up and ready to move, and I’m feeling more confident about the entire process.  We are closing on our new house in FOURTEEN days and I think I may actually be ready for it when the day arrives!!

Anyway, that’s not even what I wanted to write about tonight, but I felt I needed to give an update quickly on my “lazy syndrome”.  I really wanted to talk about good, old-fashioned pregnancy cravings!

My cousin is also expecting at the end of October and I went to lunch with her the other day.  We were swapping pregnancy woes and she was telling me that all she really craves is watermelon, and her husband is craving Mexican (hee-hee).  I have another pregnant friend whom I went to dinner with the other night and she was saying they have been eating allot of pizza at her house lately.

For me, it’s the oddest thing.  When I’m pregnant, I only crave healthy foods.  I know….crazy, isn’t it!  But seriously, when I’m not pregnant, if there is a piece of chocolate within 50 feet of me, it will audibly call my name…taunt me from the cupboard…until I cave and savor every last bite.  However, just last week there was a Kit-Kat sitting on my nightstand….just inches from me every night…and that candy bar sat there for nearly a week before I decided to enjoy it out of pure boredom.  Really, I think I ate it because I was getting concerned that it was sitting around for so long and I didn’t want it.  I felt like something was truly, fundamentally wrong with me because I hadn’t eaten it yet.  I didn’t even hear it whisper my name.  But the tomatoes…the tomatoes in my fridge are calling for me loud and clear.  I cannot keep myself away from fresh veggies.

I’m actually rather predictable.  Every pregnancy has gone the same for me, at least regarding my cravings.  In the beginning, I cannot consume enough bananas.  Many days when the nausea is taking over, bananas are all that get me through.  Bananas, banana bread, banana chips…I’m not picky…just very specific. It must be yellow and contain bananas and then I’m satisfied.

As I’ve mentioned, tomatoes are a big hit throughout the 9 months, and I always go through a grapefruit kick for roughly two months…namely months 5 & 6.  If I do crave something less than healthy, it’s for a salty treat.  Sweets just don’t cut it for the most part.  I mean, let’s not get irrational here. Of course I enjoy dessert now and again. Perhaps a DQ treat in my 8th month when I’m already the size of a house and I just say, “Screw it, what’s another few pounds….I’ll take a Blizzard with extra peanut butter cups, please!”

Oh, and I would be remiss to not mention my typical ice craving. Yes, you read that right. ICE. I crave ice when I’m pregnant. It’s usually not until the 3^rd trimester, but it never fails. I always thought I was crazy for this oddity, until one day I was talking with another girlfriend who craved ice as well during her pregnancies. Later on, I came across some research that stated craving ice during pregnancy is a sign of an iron deficiency. Sure enough, I was anemic with each pregnancy. So, I’ll let you know when I start beating my ice cubes to form nice, little, crunchy ice chips.

I know “they” say that our bodies crave what we need, but I have never been a big believer in that theory. I’m not buying that my body “needs” a second Milky Way bar for the day…and sans a little peanut in my belly…those are the things I crave.

So, I guess whatever it is driving me for the closest salad bar, I’ll welcome it with open arms.  I just wish I could bottle it and have those kinds of clearly insane urges when I’m not Pregnant!

Well, I certainly feel better now.  After another busy day of packing, I took a hot bath followed by a cool shower.  I tend to do a ton of thinking and praying while relaxing in the bath or showering and tonight was no different.  Afterwards, I came out and sat in my favorite chair, opened up my laptop and just started….crying!  I’m sure you didn’t see that one coming…that’s ok, neither did I!  Corey is chatting on and on to me…really he’s talking to himself but acting like he’s carrying on a conversation with me…when all of a sudden he stops mid sentence, sees that I’m crying and asks, “What’s wrong?  Why are you crying?”  I can tell that he really doesn’t want the answer to his question because immediately following his inquiry he went back to reading something online, which is his nonverbal way of letting me know that ok, I asked what’s wrong, but if it has to do with me or something I did wrong, than I really don’t feel like getting yelled at tonight!  And he need not worry….these tears have nothing to do with him.  After everything I mulled over in the bath tonight regarding my life right now, I got so overwhelmed in the tub that I must have just needed to “let it out”.  And now that I have….I do feel much better, at least I feel calmer…not so overwhelmed.  But that is not what this post is supposed to be about….

I realized that aside from my proclamation post when I announced the pregnancy, I haven’t blogged about it since then.  It wasn’t a conscious choice.  I’ve just been so consumed with all the other aspects of my life right now that the pregnancy seems to be taking a back seat, and I’m starting to feel bad about that.  I will be 11 weeks on Saturday…11 weeks already!  I’m sure to many of you, this doesn’t seem very far along at all…but it means that I am nearly done with the first trimester already and then there are only 6 months to go!  Only 6 months before I have another little bundle of joy to love, snuggle, and care for.  And believe me, 6 months may seem like a life time away, but I know that the next 6 months are going to fly right past me without so much as chance to catch my breath.  Before I can blink, I’m going to be in labor freaking out because I’m still getting used to the idea of being pregnant so it can’t possibly be time to push already!  Please…somebody give me another 6 months to prepare!!

It’s not like I don’t think about being pregnant and the baby every day, but aside from the physical changes my body is going through that are hard to ignore, I really don’t “feel” pregnant at all.  I mean, I’m sure the tears I just shed could be chalked up to pregnancy hormones..but then again, it could just be from an overwhelming amount of anxiety in my life right now and pregnant or not…tears needed to stream tonight!

Emotionally justified or not, the physical changes are hard to get passed.  I am exhausted…I mean, drop dead, cannot think clearly, delusionally confused kind of exhausted.  Although I certainly don’t help my situation by going to be at 11pm or later every night, getting up at least once in the middle of the night with Natalie (YES…she is STILL waking up in the middle of the night) and needing to wake up at 6am every morning to get the kids ready for school.   I’m sure I should be retiring to my nice, warm bed every evening at 9pm, but the reality is I’m still picking kids up from practice and helping them with homework at that hour so early to bed for a mom with 5 active children is not an option…even if she is pregnant and so tired she cannot see straight.

The morning sickness hasn’t been bad.  I always tend to get it during the evening hours and it holds true for this baby as well.  I have had my moments where the sight of the kids eating a hot dog sends my gag reflexes into overdrive, but all in all, I really cannot complain.

And I have to admit that my belly is starting to bulge already.  I’ve always shown early so this should be no surprise to me.  In past pregnancies, by 2 months I was in maternity pants already so for me to nearly make it to 3 months before the bulge showed up is pretty good.  But it’s now to the point where even my “fat” jeans make me want to lean back and unbutton them within 5 minutes of putting them on so it’s probably time for me to break out my “big girl panties” (this is what I lovingly refer to as my maternity clothes).  I hate making that move though because it’s not like I’m showing enough for those clothes to fit properly either.  I put on a pair today, they nearly fell off of me, and the magic waste band came up so high that it could have doubled as a bra.  So, I guess I’m just at that in between stage where my regular clothes look too tight on me and people are  looking at me and thinking, wow…Sara really put on a few pounds right in the gut area over the summer…and the big girl panties that are way too big today, but will all too soon fit just right.  Yep…that’s the stage I’m at!

So as I’ve mentioned, aside from these for mentioned physical ailments, I’ve really not taken the time to emotionally or mentally embrace this fantastic journey we are on….FOR THE VERY LAST TIME!!  I want to try and push all the concerns and craziness in my life to one side for just a moment and acknowledge, for myself more than anything, that indeed, I am pregnant and the thought of that thrills me beyond compare!  So even though many of you may get sick of reading about it, I am going to make a concerted effort to chronicle this journey through this blog.  I want to share details of how I’m feeling, what it’s like to share this experience with Corey for the second time, how the kids are adjusting to the idea, and much, much more.

Regret is a terrible thing….and something I grapple with on a regular basis, so I refuse to have any regrets over this pregnancy.  I don’t want to look back at this time and wonder why I dedicated a mere handful of posts to such a magnificent and transforming event in our lives.   I don’t want to start this baby’s life already wondering, “where did the time go?”

So I invite you all to join me on this marvelous adventure and share with me the trials and tribulations of a soon-to-be mother of 6!

I know many of you who have been following my blog for a while realize how difficult my weight struggle has been over the years and especially over the past year since I had my daughter, Natalie.  So at my doctor’s appointment last week, I expressed my weight concerns with him.  I told him that I was still carrying 10 extra pounds around since Natalie’s birth and with the way I gain weight during pregnancy, I’m going to be the size of a house again in no time.  I mean, my metabolism is so shot that if I consume more than 1200 calories a day, I gain weight…and I mean I gain pounds a week.  Needless to say, I’m slightly stressed out about eating enough to fuel my growing baby’s needs, my body’s needs, and the fact that I’m still in the process of weaning Natalie so making milk requires caloric intake as well.  But again, as I stated, whenever I eat anything more than green leaves, I gain weight at record speed.  Ok…so back to the conversation with the doctor….

As I was expressing my concern about my excess weight I really just expected him to say not to worry about it while I’m pregnant.  I assumed he would recommend that I stick to a healthy diet and worry about the extra pounds once you give birth…or something to that effect.  I truly just expected him to ease my concerns and tell it was ok that I was going to turn into Dom Delawise again, but apparently, that was not the case.  He actually told me that a pregnant woman can lose up to 20% of her body weight within the first 20 weeks of pregnancy before it’s any kind of risk to the fetus.  He then proceeds to tell me, in a very politically correct manner, that he is not suggesting that I diet, but if I did lose 5-10lbs, that would be fine with him!

SERIOUSLY??? FINE WITH HIM IF I LOOSE 5-10LBS…..

So does this mean that I now actually have to worry about dieting during pregnancy?  He even  continued on with telling me that all I need to do is cut out carbs from my diet and I’ll lose weight.   He acknowledged that carbs are all I will be craving “like crazy” being pregnant, so it may be difficult to do.  But anytime I crave a carb I should just “reach for a cashew instead” and I’ll lose some weight!  And he wrapped up the visit by telling me not to beat myself up too much about any weight gain I have during these first few months since water retention is the real culprit for that if it does happen.

Again…SERIOUSLY???

I walked out of the office feeling like I was just blindsided by a flippen bus.  So I went home and did what any apparently over-weight, soon to be dieting, pregnant woman would do….I grabbed the nearest loaf of bread I could find and downed about 4 pieces of toast!  I chased that with several servings of FULL FAT chips and walked out of the kitchen trying to mentally prepare myself for jump-starting my new “cashew diet” tomorrow!

Well, that appointment was nearly a week ago and I have yet to buy any cashews.  I’m really just angry with myself for even mentioning my concerns to the doctor because now I really feel like the pressure is on to lose some weight.  Had I just shut my mouth, he certainly wouldn’t have brought it up or offered up such gracious “helpful hints”.

I know that I shouldn’t stress about this but hey…stressing is what I do best.  And I really will never forget the moment when I was 9 months pregnant with Natalie and a mom from school came up to me…actually stopped me in my tracks…to tell me that she was so happy that I’m a “real woman”.  She proceeded to explain that she can’t stand these women that don’t gain weight anywhere but a tiny bump in their belly when their pregnant.  She was thrilled to see that like her, I gained weight ‘EVERYWHERE”!  Yes…she actually had the audacity…or stupidity…to say this 3 inches from my 9-month pregnant face!  She was right…I do gain weight EVERYWHERE and I gain alot of it…and I also envy and dagger stare at the little twits that gain 15lbs and loose it before they leave the hospital….but to actually say it my face…WOW!  I walked around the rest of the day with a bag of cheese puffs in one hand and a tissue in the other from the uncontrollable sobbing!  So as you can imagine…some of my preganncy weight gain fears are at least a little bit substantiated.

So here we are again….extra weight from the last baby….well actually…the last 5 babies

A doctor who wouldn’t “object” to me losing weight while pregnant

And an overly hormonal pregnant woman bouncing between overdosing on salads and CASHEWS!

Good times…good times!!  ;o)